Suffering: The Series Part 13 ~ Are We There Yet?

What is the longest amount of time a person can actually bear a certain suffering?

I ask myself this question often, both as a human who experiences it personally and as a therapist who must walk the path of suffering with my clients every day of the week.

To be truthful, I don’t know the answer. That is to say, I don’t know that there is a specific formula or length or distance or duration. It’s possible that there is some neuroscientist who has figured out some special arrangement of numbers and exponents which comes as close as possible to predicting such a thing, and I will gladly admit that I stand corrected if that is ever presented to me. The fact remains, however, that the exact limit is more than likely not a numerical value.

Nevertheless, I do believe there is a value in identifying just what the limit is, in general for sure, but especially for us as individuals, and, if you’ve read this far, you’ll know my point is likely because this discussion will lead to greater societal growth in terms of how we respond to suffering. Thank you for your fortitude!

That all said, let’s get into this subject.

If you’re this far into the series, you know that my main resource is Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl, and in this book are many impactful insights about the ways Frankl' observed humans in the midst of great suffering overcome it with the employ of hope. There will be more blogs about this in the future, but for this conversation, what is most important is that it merely exists.

Let me state that again: Hope merely exists.

I am emphasizing this both because it is an easily forgotten fact and because the mere fact of its existence implies that suffering can be overcome, and therefore existence of suffering is not merely arbitrary.

Think about this.

Suffering isn’t arbitrary. It isn’t some random lottery style event that happens simply because it can. Sure, some forms of suffering happen as a fact of life that is not connected to a person’s value or worth or even their own choices. However, it is not possible to say that suffering necessarily leads to one’s defeat or end on its own.

And if suffering isn’t arbitrary or necessarily defeating, then it must have some component that is redeemable, meaningful or useful. In fact, one could argue that suffering, in its own way, has an inspiring quality to it. Not only can suffering inspire me to grow through what seemed to be limitations in myself, but seeing others do the same in the midst of suffering can have the same effect.

Can something which is completely bad produce any good? This may be a subject in need of greater philosophical debate, but for now I would like to suggest that it couldn’t, and that suffering, as something which can and does inspire good cannot be simply and solely bad.

Back to the overall question of this post (don’t worry, I hadn’t forgotten) regarding how long a person can suffer and having made all of these small points of argument, I will leave you with this answer: A person can stand any situation so long as there is both meaning and hope, which can be found only by gazing directly at themselves and the reality of the suffering they are enduring.

As long as suffering remains arbitrary or bad in our mentality, we will struggle to see what we need to in order find meaning and hope to grow stronger than our suffering. And as long as that is a struggle, we will never know how to help others carry their own in a meaningful and healing way.

Let’s keep talking, and change the future together.